So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
