i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
