ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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