I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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