I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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