It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
