Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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