Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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