Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize