remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
