She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
