True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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