Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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