I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
