I can text with my tongue
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
