2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
