speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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