My hair reeks of homosexuality.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize