ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
