there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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