That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
