Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
