question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
