I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There's always time for handjobs
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
