I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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