My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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