im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
