literally had 100 drinks last night.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
