sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
