Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
