she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
