it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
