does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
