we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
