omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
