I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
