At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
