Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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