lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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