Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
