You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
