Do you still have your period?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
