drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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