Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Randomize
