How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
