i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
