Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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