I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
