so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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