I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
