Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
