was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
