im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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