my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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