Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
