I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
