In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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