I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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