we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
