So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
