I met the friendliest cop last night
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
