CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
