Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
