You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i drank out of a bidet.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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