That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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